OK - - Now that I have your attention - - Let's get on with the TRIVIA and STUFF !!
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to tired and discouraged men.
Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.
Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.
When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women.
One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.
At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, 4 of whom were worth keeping.
REMEMBER this chain brings luck.
One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy centerfold model.
An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood supermodel.
You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!
One man broke the chain, and got his own wife back again !!!
"Twenty Responses to Use With Telemarketers":
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them
where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many
people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are
married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal
questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is
Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a
real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my Goodness! Judy, how have
you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of
terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and
keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can
you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to
marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and
they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer,
set the receiver down, scream, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her
if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call
him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers
cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want
anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and
you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold.
Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your
leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if
they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should
probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a
joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak
up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every
NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on
telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.
Two little brothers, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to
swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say
'ass' and I'll say 'hell'."
All excited about their plan, they trooped downstairs, where their mother
asks them what they'd like for breakfast. "Aw, hell," says the
eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."
His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the
room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"
"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't
gonna be Cheerios."