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phred's phollies

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This is what happens when a person runs his favorite GPAA cap through a lawnmower.  Fortunately, my brains weren't in it at the time!!!


              Now that I've finally got my act together,
I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do with it.

This is how my friend DAVE reacts every time he finds a large GOLD NUGGET




This is a picture of the

This LAND YACHT is in the process of being built                  by my friend BLAKE HARDY...
                   When will be a 


I am compelled to write these words in remembrance of and to honor my "BUDDY".

He came into this world 19 years ago, just a little ball of fur that I could hold in both hands.
He came from royal blood, a pure-bred, a SHIH TZU…
His color gray-black and white.  They call it brindle.
He was special right from the beginning and we named him "PHILMORE WANG FANG LING".  Philly for short, PHILMORE when we needed to get his attention.
The SHIH TZU breed comes from the orient, it seems that the temple floors were very cold and these dogs were conditioned to lay on the emperors feet to keep them warm.  A trait that came right through the line to Philmore.  Another trait he had was when he wanted something, usually food, or attention, he would sneeze.
Like most dogs, he would howl his head off when we played a constant musical note.
The years passed and Philmore played and ate and slept and played and made a nuisance of himself and played and protected and layed on my feet and played.  I don't believe he really ever did get a grasp on just how small he was.  We would sit out in the yard and the neighborhood "bullies" would come by to pay their respects by "marking" Philmores territory.  Obviously a huge "no-no" in doggiedom.  These "bullies" were usually huge German Shepherds and Philmore would take out after them just a yappin' and a snappin', I'm sure they didn't quite know what to think but they sure hightailed it outta there.  Then Phil would come back and re-mark his territory and come and lay down by my feet.  Whew!! I was protected again…
More years passed and things started falling apart on the home front.  I'm not going to get into that because this is for Philmore but to make a long story short, Philmore and I went on our way.  We tried living with a friend of ours but after awhile that didn't work out either, so we decided to take to traveling.  One fall day up in Minnesota I asked Phil if he'd like to check out Texas for the winter.  He said that would be great as he had heard that there was a whole lot of territory to mark down there much less all the territory in between.  So, off we went…with all the miles in between Minnesota and Texas I guess we pretty much took care of most of the problems in the world.  This little northern boys first experience with a prickly pear cactus proved to be interesting, I don't think he ever lifted his leg on one again.
When we were parked in a campground and someone was walking on the street, he would kinda growl under his breath, if they were walking on the sidewalk, he'd grrrr a little louder and if they were right by the camper, he'd let out a little yap.  I always knew just how close anyone was.  What a protector.
More years passed and one day in DelRio, TX., I asked Phil what he thought about going to Arizona…He thought that would be just fine `cause he figured with one more walk he'd pretty much have all of Texas marked.  So we headed for the dry air of Arizona.  Originally our destination was Mesa, Arizona but as we were traveling through Benson, Arizona, the truck motor decided to take a break and while we were getting that fixed Philly decided that we had better stick around this part of the country for awhile.  Lotza un-marked territory---I swear he only had one thing on his mind…
So that is how Philmore Wang Fang Ling came to be in the Sierra Vista area of Southern Arizona.
Phil was getting up in years and I think he just wanted to slow down a little bit.  His eyes grew dim some time ago and then eventually he couldn't hear to well, but he always had a wagging tail to let me know everything was alright.
But then one day he stopped wagging that little tail and he grew very weak and I believe he came to the conclusion that marking all that territory just wasn't that important anymore.

The Most Honorable and Noble PHILMORE WANG FANG LING was laid to rest December 18th, 2001.

Sleep well my "FRIEND"…You are MISSED.


by phred

Not too long ago, over in the Dragoons, there lived a man of slight stature that went by the handle of Cactus Willie.
Now Cactus Willie was a professional “gold prospector” by trade.
One day, while out on one of his prospects, he decided that the time was right to fulfill one of his lifelong dreams of going down under to the land of Australia to further his ambition of finding the “elusive yellow”.
Willie, not being a man of means, decided to find a “southbound” steamer and stow away on board, thus saving him the considerable cost of such a long journey.
I feel it only fair to tell you that Willie is not the “shiniest nugget in the poke”.
So after spending considerable time on “Lake Mead” he decided to look elsewhere for a “southbound steamer”.
Eventually he wandered his way over to the Baja and purely by chance came across the SS Perth tied up in a harbor just south out of Tijuana.
He waited for the perfect chance and stole onboard..  Found himself a good hiding spot and settled in for his journey of a lifetime.
Unbeknown to Willie was the fact that although the SS Perth had Australian registry it was first embarking to Japan and various ports of the orient before returning to the land down under.  This gave ol' Cactus an opportunity to see some of the water on this vast earth of ours.
Eventually, after several bouts of seasickness and nearly starving to death, the land of his dreams was finally in sight.
After secreting himself off of the boat undetected, he was more than happy to have his feet solidly planted on good old mother earth once again.
Willie had heard that the Australian “mother lode” was in an area called “Ayers Rock” so after conversing with some locals, he began to make his way in that direction.  He thought “it can't be that tough to get to, after all I'm used to wandering around in the Arizona deserts”.  After existing on roos and dingos for a few weeks, he finally saw the lofty monument on the horizon.  But something looked strange.  He had heard that Ayers Rock was red and this magnificent rock that he was looking at was for the most part black.  Two days later as he was nearing the “rock” he realized that it was throwing off a lot of heat.  Tremendous heat.  To help shorten the story, what had happened was an underground volcano had erupted and Ayers Rock was literally on fire.  To Willies delight, all the gold that was trapped inside of the “rock” was now pouring out through the fissures in the rock just like pouring out of a huge tea kettle.  Pounds and pounds or kilos and kilos of the yellow stuff.  “What a dilemma” he thought, “how am I going to get this stuff back to my shack in the Dragoons?”  Now Willie as I said “not being the sharpest tool in the shed” did have enough sense to come up with an idea.  He made some round depressions in the sand of various sizes and poured the liquid gold into them and allowed them to cool.  What he had created was a 480 pound set of barbells.  480 pounds times 12 ounces times $250.00 an ounce, why that's a little over a million four.  I don't think you could of got the grin off of Willies face with a stick of dynamite.  Now another problem. How to get the stuff back to port and on a boat to the states.  Do you remember how ol' Dan'l Boone back in Kentucky used to grin bears to get them to submit?  Well, this new self imposed “grin” that Willie had on his face gave him the where-with-all to try the same practice on the local “roo” population.  Sure enough, within a week, he had a string of roos at his beck and call.  He carefully loaded a gold disk into each roos pouch and started leading his “gold train” back to Perth.  Once there, he stopped at the local Wal-Mart and bought a length of pipe and  some black spray paint to dress up his “barbells”, he then sold the roos to the local zoo and generated enough cash so he could ride home in first class.  With the help of some burly longshoremen, he carefully placed his set of “barbells” on the deck of the ship, explaining that it sure was going to be nice to get back home so he could start bulking up with his new weights.
First day out-still grinning.
Second day out-still grinning.
Third day out the ship ran into some heavy seas.  The ship was tossing and turning and twisting and ol' Cactus Willie thought he'd better go check on his “cargo”.  He came up on deck just in time to see his “precious cargo” go rolling off of the deck and hit the water with a tremendous splash.  No more grin.
The Captain of that boat just couldn't understand why anyone would be that upset over loosing a set of “barbells”, after all you can get a new set at Wally-World for about fifty bucks.
Willie's back in the Dragoons now.  Things are goin' good.  Why just last month he harvested 11 grains of the “yellow stuff”.
Asked if he'd do it all over again, he said “YUP”.
But I wouldn't start at Lake Mead.
The Saga continues.